motherhood

there is something about being a mother… something about watching your child grow and learn.  there is no word to describe this “something.”  i am so thankful that i was able to spend SO much focused time with tetsu from his birth until he was just over 13 months old… and i am thankful that i returned to school instead of work.  as a student, my time is so much more flexible than work time and i was still there to see him pick up new tricks and learn new things. 

a part of me feels so sad that tetsu won’t have this kind of undivided attention from me once the new baby comes and a part of me is so happy that he gets to be a big brother (especially having seen how he adores littler babies… seriously, today, he kept kissing and trying to take care of a 4 month old).  there are smaller parts of me that wonder if i really want to go straight through school without taking time off for the new baby, especially thinking back to how much tetsu changed and grew between 6 month and 12 month.  i feel like once the baby is here, i would want to watch him grow and learn things… but for now, it’s not a huge concern yet.  my primary concern right now is still tetsu.  tetsu is my only child at the moment and so mostly i am really just feeling sad that he won’t have mama all to himself in about a month time…

here are a couple of pictures from before he turned one… he was just learning to stand by himself then :)

a heavy heart

http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/50223112#50223112

It’s been a few days since the shooting in Connecticut. When Trevor told me about it on Friday, i didn’t think much of it. At the time, in the midst of all the craziness of raising a toddler, it just seemed liked another news that is telling the world that American gun laws need to be reviewed. I finally sat down to read more about it today, and it breaks my heart seeing all these young kids killed… my heart is heavy.  I look at Tetsu as he is eating his apple, dancing in front of Christmas lights… he is so full of signs of life.  I don’t know what to say.  I can’t imagine been one of these parents… They had expected to pick up their child at the end of the school day in the same liveliness as when they dropped them off… It breaks my heart.

Tetsu can be very difficult and tiring… but I am hugging him extra tight and giving him extra kisses.  I want to protect him forever, I want to do everything I can to ensure his safety… but there is so little that I can do… and I just pray that this little boy of mine will live out the life that God has intended for him…

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)

13 months old

At 13 months old, this boy…
- chases after older kids running in the playground with his squeal of excitement and that face he does when he is happy.
- dances when he hears music
- loves fruits and vegetables
- walks everywhere, and it is the cutest thing I tell you.

There are so so so much I want to remember. But he is changing so fast, and words just doesn’t do him any justice. He is the craziest and funniest baby I know. And you know what, he is mine. I am so blessed.

where did all the pictures go?

I was just reorganizing my blog and added a new page that has a link to all the posts i’ve made about food… surprisingly, the last time i blogged about food/baking/cooking was may of 2011. i’ve made so much yummy food and baked so many yummy cakes since and never blogged about it. i was going to blog a few of those, but i realize i don’t know where any of the pictures are. they are stored somewhere in my hard drive. but, my hard drive is organized by dates, and i have no idea on which days i baked/cooked…

so, in the near future, look out for posting about sour cherry yogurt cake, tiramisu cake, slow cooker enchiladas, fresh strawberry cupcakes… and probably some others that i can’t remember…

well, hello!

the last time i posted anything was march… what’s new? tetsu is not only sitting up by himself now (which i don’t think i even blogged about), but he is crawling and standing up. i miss the times when he first learned to sit by himself. he could sit there and play with the same small basket of toys for the entire morning.  and then we got to a stage where he couldn’t move around, but wanted to. so all he did all the time was cry, and so i would have to pick him up and take him to places, but i can’t do that forever, so when i stop, he would cry again. then after that, we got to a stage where he finally started crawling slowly. he would be happy crawling slowly around and i just have to watch him. that didn’t last long. he started to want to explore EVERYTHING. especially wires and fireplaces, you know, the dangerous things. then he started to stand up while holding onto things… so this is where we are now. he is always standing up, and i am constantly taking him away from whatever he is grabbing onto (because it’s almost always something dangerous)… my life revolves around taking this baby from one dangerous object to the middle of the room and repeat every few seconds.

 

this morning i needed to water my plants, and i put him in the stroller to take him out to water the plants with me. all i needed was five minutes of not holding him in my arms. and of course, he cried the entire time.

he is too much.

he is lucky he is so cute.

i’m off to wake him up from his nap to go to story time now.

oh, and did i mention? he is almost 10 month old, and still wakes up every single hour (or sometimes 2 hours if i am lucky) throughout the night…